Sunday, September 11, 2011

How I Dropped Out

I'm so sorry, Student ID. I barely used thee.

Yes, I did it. I got excited. I planned my route to graduate school for 3 years. I scrounged up funds, I nervously wrote and rewrote draft after draft of my resume and application essay, I gathered references and ancient transcripts, I prayed, I was accepted, I cried.

Fast forward a few months. I bought books. I bought textbooks. I bought notebooks, or my main man did when I was too exhausted and stressed to bring myself to acquire them myself. I fretted. I twisted my stomach into knots. I put a halt on my life after August 25th. I attempted to rearrange my priorities to welcome this new, screaming baby we call business school into my life.

This was supposedly one of those "work while you educate yourself silly" programs. I will not reveal its name nor the school that is hosting it, just out of respect for the institution. Yes, even I am surprised that I still have a shred of respect for this institution. I reasoned that I could cut down my work hours a bit to accommodate the course work load, and that the brilliant thing about this program was that I only had to come to campus for actual classes one weekend a month! Okay, that's Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but okay! I'll be so inspired and excited and I'll love this work so much, it won't feel like work, I told myself.

Fast fast forward to the actual start of the semester. Oh. My. No. That's right: no. My body screamed no, my heart screamed no, and my gut screamed no.

Four days into the first week of classes, my body threw in the towel for me. It no longer wanted to play the "let's pretend we can do this" game. Five days later I was hunched over my 2-year old MacBook in bed with a fever and an epically runny nose. My fingers were frozen on the keypad as I wondered if I was truly strong enough. Was I not strong enough to go through this ordeal and get a degree? Was I strong enough to say no? Have I grown soft when it comes to change, or is this really not right for me?

Or am I just fucking fine, as is? Yes.

I navigated to the "Withdrawal from course/(Name of Liberal Arts) School" tab from the program's website.  Done. Tuition reimbursement in the mail, explanations owed to friends and family, thoughts for the new plan in the works.

I can honestly say now that I've quit, something big, better, and to me, so much more exciting, is coming down the pike. In fact, my real education can finally begin.

2 comments:

  1. Use of the word "Scam" is kinda harsh no? I feel sheepish =-(.....

    But I like that you got a less expensive vision ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is all my opinion, and also, all that I wrote in the heat of passion. I won't edit any of it, because that was my genuine voice during that time.I don't want anyone to feel sheepish from this. I think our academic system is extremely flawed.

    One of its many serious flaws is how overpriced it is. There are obviously several reasons for this, which I could write volumes of books on (whoever would be so dumb to read what I write on those topics, I don't know). But one of the biggest and most frightening results of the overpricing is that it often outweighs the benefits (IMHO), and it allows several people to capitalize on it. I can't say that I would feel that what I'd maybe get out of this program was worth the cost for me, whether it be emotional, temporal, or financial.

    But that's also partially due to my past experiences and prior education. I've been extremely lucky to have had a broad and liberal education, fortunate to have had an artistic streak and support for this, the ability to dabble in several creative outlets, and friends that continue to inspire and amaze me.

    ReplyDelete